Regroup

So, yeah...
This would be my first time...blogging...
It all just seemed like a place where lonely bored people came to spill their guts to other bored, lonely, nosy people...
But I think that I have reached a point where all of that doesn't really matter to me anymore....

I really need to regroup and put a whole lot of things down that I've been carrying for a while.
Its kind of like how you go into the grocery store and you say..."O' Im only going to grab a couple things.." and you're like two feet away from the register when your package of toilet paper, box of hot pockets, gum, bottles of water etc. go tumbling to the floor.... That only happens to me??? Well okay...so whatever...im at THAT point in my life...and i need to just go ahead and grab a cart and just organize these things.....

I just recently broke it off with "him" and it felt like crap....I know this is beginning to sound like one of those stories...but I really needed to free myself from that situation....I really don't want to go into all of the miscellaneous details because that's an entire book in itself, but either way....I pushed him away because im trying to be a big girl now, and i want to do some grown-up things that he would never have approved of before.....

With that said, I've got something...well someone new in my life already and im soooo afraid that i will fall in love with him. I keep letting..."him" yea the other "him" from before get into my head. But why...? My new him...is...a totally different ball game....and i know people would really pay to go see this game...In the back of my mind i constantly think that god has a man for me.. but can i use mapquest...? can i have a map? Can i use a lifeline....???I really want to just end all these mixed feelings im having.

Everyone has an idea for me....and can tell me who i need to be with and why...but why cant i just know...you know..KNOW what it is that I want. I don't feel like I've made a lot of decisions on my own lately. I'm always feeling like i need advice from others...if i need anything in my life right now...it's Wisdom...i'll admit that flat out..just a little wisdom, and also a pinch of self-confidence about these decisions im making.

I need to just weigh all this out....I have two "him's " hanging in the balance....and I can't have both...I never thought i'd be in such a situation...God it hurts...
perhaps the next time i write i will have come up with something worthy of a Reset...or Restart title.

--jusqu'à ce que nous nous rencontrerons à nouveau